Corruption at its Awesomest
by OwlinAMinor
Summary: Switzerland needs a babysitter for Liechtenstein for when he and Austria go on vacation, and Prussia seems like a good candidate. "Seems like" being the key words in that sentence … Prussia/Liechtenstein one-shot. Christmas present for FlyingSolo365.


**CORRUPTION AT ITS AWESOMEST**

**RATING: T**

**PAIRINGS: Prussia/Liechtenstein, Liechtenstein/Prussia, Edelweiss**

**GENRE: Humor & Romance**

**DESCRIPTION: Switzerland needs a babysitter for Liechtenstein for when he and Austria go on vacation, and Prussia seems like a good candidate. "Seems like" being the key words in that sentence …**

**LENGTH: One-shot.**

**POV: 3****rd**** person**

**Hetalia characters, please consider yourselves disclaimed. (Like a boss.)**

**This story was a Christmas present for Lilah, a.k.a. FlyingSolo365.**

* * *

><p>Vash awoke to the sound of a Chopin piano sonata.<p>

That could mean one of two things: either a certain someone was calling him or that same certain someone was "serenading" him (i.e. waking him up) using the grand piano he'd been forced to buy for that exact purpose. In this case, it seemed to be his phone ringing – real piano music would never sound that tinny.

Vash reached across to the small table next to his bed, successfully knocking his clock off of it in the process, and grabbed his phone.

"_Ja_, Roderich?" he answered it sleepily.

"Vash, are you _sure_ the hotel we're staying in has a grand piano?" the Austrian on the other end asked. "Because I called the owner, and he said that he thought there might be an electric piano in the basement, but you know I can't deal with these newfangled contraptions, their sound is just _atrocious_, and I won't survive there without a decent piano, I just won't, and …"

Vash sighed. Although being the boyfriend of Roderich Edelstein, also known as the personification of the country of Austria, had its perks, his obsession with the piano was not one of them. Particularly when they were planning a vacation to the Caribbean and Roderich refused to stay in a hotel that didn't have a piano.

"… and the quality of the Bach fugue I'm working on will _definitely_ deteriorate if I don't practice it on a proper piano, so … Vash, are you even listening to me?"

"Roderich, I've already wasted enough money on your costly music obsession," the Swiss nation said. "We're not switching hotels again."

"But it isn't an obsession, it's an art!" the pianist protested.

"Arts should come in second place to fiscal responsibilities."

"A person without arts has a tasteless and bland personality."

"Did you just call me tasteless and bland?"

"No, of course not! You taste delicious!"

Vash blushed; that hadn't been exactly what he'd meant …

"But I cannot live without my piano!"

"Choose, then! Me or your stupid piano!"

Roderich sighed. "You, of course, Vash. I'm sorry, it's just that my music is really important to me, and –"

"No, I'm sorry," Vash interrupted him. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm just really worried about finding a babysitter for Lily while I'm gone."

"Still no luck, huh?" Austria asked sympathetically; glad to switch the conversation away from him.

"No – everyone I've talked to hasn't seemed trustworthy enough. Are you sure you don't know anyone?"

"Well," Roderich said hesitantly, "there is _one_ person … but it's probably a terrible idea."

"If you know the person, I'm sure it can't be too bad," Switzerland assured him. "So, who is it?"

"Well, do you remember my cousin Prussia?"

"Oh, yes, him! Didn't he disappear with the unification of Germany?"

"No, he's still around, mooching off of his brother, me, France, Spain, Canada … anyone who will take him in."

"He seems fine to me. Another nation would certainly be the best babysitter, especially one with no responsibilities to his own country. Does he work cheap?"

"If you give him free beer, he probably will …"

* * *

><p>"<em>Guten tag<em>, Switzerland," Gilbert Beilschmidt, also known as Prussia, said a few days later, eagerly shaking the hand of the younger nation.

"Yes, hello, Prussia," Switzerland replied, freeing his hand from the Prussian's strong grip. "_Dankeshen _for looking after Lily."

"Yes, _danke_," Liechtenstein piped up from the doorway of her and her brother's house.

Prussia surveyed her with experienced eyes: angelic, blond hair cropped short just like her brother's, ribbon tied in the back, wide, clear green eyes, a frilly, white and pastel-pink dress, hands clasped behind her back, white knee socks, black Mary Jane shoes …

Innocent.

Every inch of her was pure and innocent.

Hmm … this could be interesting …

Gilbert felt the gears of his awesome mind working, formulating awesome plans …

"Prussia," Vash said suddenly, turning around. (He and Roderich had been about to get into the car.)

"_Ja_?" Prussia asked.

The Swiss man rested his hand on his gun, as if to say, _I am a big, powerful man with a big, powerful weapon and you insult me on pain of death._ "You do realize that if you even _think_ about touching my little sister, your infamous Five Meters will be dead before you can even attempt to beg for mercy, right?"

"Oh, yes, sir, of course," Gilbert said quickly, adding in another "sir" for good measure.

* * *

><p>"He seemed like a trustworthy man to me," Switzerland observed to Austria in the car later.<p>

"If you say so," Austria replied, making a mental note to never tell his boyfriend about any of the Prussian's previous mischievous schemes.

* * *

><p>"Is your brother always such an un-awesome stick in the mud?" Gilbert asked Lily later. The two of them were sitting on opposite ends of a couch, watching one of Lily's favorite television shows. Or, well, Lily was watching it; Gil was alternatively depleting Vash's beer stash and putting the finishing touches on his awesome plan of corruption.<p>

"I don't think he's a stick in the mud," Lily answered. "He's very nice and he never yells at me or punishes me for anything."

"He isn't very awesome, though," Gilbert said. "Not like, say, the awesome me, for example."

Liechtenstein looked at him from the side, trying not to let him see that she was interested in him. Prussia was definitely a very interesting nation with his silver-white hair, his glowing red eyes, his black, punk-style clothes, his disconcertingly wide smile, and the odd little chick always hanging out on top of his head. All of her instincts told her that he was dangerous, but something else told her that dangerous could be a good thing.

"Anyway, this gig had better be really awesome," the Prussian continued. "I had to leave Mattie for an entire week for this plus plane flights, and the awesome me does not do awesomely when sex-deprived for an entire week."

Lily nodded; she could understand that – Gilbert obviously didn't want to be away from this Mattie person, whoever he was, for the time he'd be looking after her.

There was one thing he'd said, though, that she couldn't quite comprehend …

"Mr. Prussia?" she asked nervously.

"_Ja_?" he replied. "And you don't have to call me Mr. Prussia – Gil or Sir Awesome will do just fine."

"Um … what's sex?"

Prussia grinned. Everything was going according to his awesome plan.

"When two people love each other very much," he explained, her innocent face looking at him, absorbing every word, "or lust after each other very much, or hate each other very much, or are very drunk, or very bored – well, there are a number of reasons, but they aren't particularly important – they will perform this really awesome ritual called sex. If it's a guy and a girl, the guy will stick his penis into her vagina. If it's two guys, the more awesome guy – the guy who we say is 'topping' – will stick his penis into the other guy's ass. And if it's two girls … I'm not actually sure what two girls do, but I'm sure that if you were really curious, you could ask Elizaveta. She definitely knows. And then sometimes one person will suck the other's penis, and sometimes weapons or handcuffs or other toys will get involved – that was the really short explanation – but, trust me, it's always very, very awesome. I could show you, but …" – he feigned a dejected expression – "your brother would probably kill me. And I'm too awesome to die, so." He shrugged.

"Oh," was all Lily could say. She looked down at her lap – _definitely_ not at the Prussian – as she thought about what he'd told her. His explanation seemed, to her, to be just like him – dangerous, in a not necessarily bad way.

Then, a couple minutes later, she realized that she had another question.

"Mr. Prussia?"

"For the second time, you don't have to call the awesome me that …"

"Sorry!"

"It's not a big deal. Anyway, what was your question?"

"Um … what's a penis?" she asked, pointedly not looking at him.

Gilbert's grin grew wide. His plan really was genius, and it was working _so_ awesomely.

"Well," he said slowly, "I can't really tell you that … but I can show you."

"O-okay," she agreed, her curiosity getting the better of her.

That one word was all Gilbert needed to stand up, wink seductively at Lily, and relieve his body from the troubles of wearing pants.

"This is Five Meters," he said proudly. "Five Meters, Lily. Lily, Five Meters."

All Lily could do was stare at the ... the … the awesome object in front of her. It was huge, it was massive, it was monstrous, and it was making her feel … odd. Different. Strange.

But she liked it.

She felt a grin spread across her own face, almost big enough to match the Prussian's.

"Gilbert," she whispered – and he felt a shiver flee down his spine, taking its wife and kids and matched luggage with it, as she said his name – "I don't think you'll have to go without sex for an entire week."

Prussia felt his heart race. This wasn't exactly going according to plan any more.

But he liked it.

"But … what about your brother?" he asked, needing to make sure that he wouldn't be killed (or worse, castrated) in the near future.

She stood and wound her arms around his neck, still smiling coyly, like a serpent entangling its prey.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him …"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Lily, I'm home."<p>

"Oh, big brother, you're back! I missed you so much!"

_Yeah, right._

"I missed you, too. Did you have fun with Prussia?"

"Yes, I did. Mr. Prussia is very nice – we had lots of fun together."

_But probably not the kind of fun you think I mean._

* * *

><p>"Oi, Frenchie, you home?"<p>

"Gil! Where have you been this past week?"

"Oh, you know … looking after Liechtenstein while her brother and the aristocrat were on vacation."

"'Looking after?' Is that code for something else, _mon ami_?"

"Of course. Would you expect anything less from the awesome me?"

"So, Swissy's precious little flower was finally deflowered? Damn you. I was hoping to get to her myself."

"You just aren't awesome enough."

"You wish, _mon ami_. Now, spill. How was it?"

"Well, it was corruption at its awesomest …"

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><p><strong>TRANSLATIONS:<strong>

**German:**

**_Ja_ = yes**

**_Guten tag_ = good day**

**_Dankeshen_ = thank you very much**

**French:**

**_Mon ami_ = my friend**

**Something tells me I probably shouldn't have enjoyed writing this as much as I did … ^^;**

**Review, and you're almost as awesome as Prussia.**


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